These are the last few months of my 30’s.
Wow.
Here it is I am walking into the last few months before I turn 40 and I honestly feel like I am exactly where I am supposed to be and surrounded by the most amazing people as I make my way through life.
Behind closed doors I’ve found peace when it comes to certain situations I’ve experienced. While there are many things I am still working through, I can’t help but be grateful and also proud of myself for letting go in the name of peace and freedom from the past.
In full transparency, there’s also been some hard things. Within the last few years my friendship group looks different. I had to accept the fact that certain friendships have run its course. Frankly, we as people change over time and sometimes friendships end not because something specific transpired but because it just simply happens. There’s also the fact that friendships have seasons as well and time will tell what things look like. I’ve also come face to face with hard truths about myself through therapy. I’ve found myself starring at my faults, my issues, my sins, and my hang ups right in the face so that I could (and continue) to understand who I am versus who I want to be.
Speaking of therapy….I’ve concluded that I am a bit of a perfectionist and this unconscious desire to always get things right or not want to disappoint others has left me either feeling like a failure at times or simply emotionally exhausted. The fact of the matter is, while perfection doesn’t live over here, the idea of it has. I am really trying to be mindful of the unnecessary pressure I put on myself and to also set boundaries where necessary. I am happy to report that every single day the distance between perfect and acceptance/grace/patience with myself grows wider and wider.
I am very much more self aware in my thirties than I was in my twenties. With that said, I truly believe that often times we find ourselves going in circles because we miss the lessons we’re supposed to learn. I can tell you that my twenty year old self was going round and round when it came to many things but the woman I am today is not the least bit interested in wasting time!
So what’s the plan for next year? To live.
What that means for me is continuing to fight for my joy but now the strategy is crystal clear. The way to get there is to discontinue overthinking and seek happiness and peace like I never have before.
I want to see my business grow and bring my dreams to a reality. I am going to take better care of myself cause your girl has got to put down the snacks once and for all. I want to write more and that includes finishing my first mental health coloring book. I want to nurture the relationships in my life, old and new. I want to laugh and try new things as often as I can.
The last few months of my thirties for me is an opportunity to make up for lost time. Well, as much as I can. Over the years I’ve been so overwhelmed at times that I couldn’t focus on the things that set my soul on fire. On the flip side, I’m still here. I’m alive and well! There is so much to be grateful for. I’ve got thirty nine reasons to wake up each morning with a grateful heart. I’ve got thirty nine reasons to know that God has a plan for my life. Or a higher power, whichever you believe!
Cheers to the last few months of 39!
xo,
Camellia